San Bartolo

Lima, Perú – May 8, 2018

I grieved so many times this death that never came.

I wept in the shorelines of dark and curvy nights.

I’ve held to the grains that once held the castle.

I wept and grieved the sunrise that left for the lone and darker night.

Sit on her lap and let them birds take you afar.

There’s no return. no going back. no fooling around.

Too long we’ve been lied to. deceived and pried.

Rise up from the ashes. Bring back the divine!

I’ve dreamt of the night that rose to the light.

As I awaken to its fluttering dance of morning dew from the sky.

I open my eyes. And i see beyond stars.

The sunshine reminds me the sunset never died.

And I weep..

I weep. for this day .. will never be the same.

– Lila

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Water song 

Stone Dam / Kauai Dec 2016

Limpia madre mis ojitos 

Y Abre mi corazón 

Cura mi cuerpesito 

Bendice mi espíritu 

Agua agüita pura 

Fluye fluye multicolor 

Para que todos tus niños 

Puedan sentir tu amor. 

Oh agüita fervorosa 

Transforma mi dolor 

Llévate muy caudalosa 

Las memorias del temor 

Ven cantando tu canción 

Que me alegra el corazón 

Ven bailando tus mensajes 

Que me curan con amor 

Agua madre divina 

En tu vientre soy picaflor 

Voy abriendo voy fluyendo

Y en la noche soy tu canción 

Voy abriendo voy fluyendo 

Y tu esencia es mi perdón 

Agua madre divina 

En tu vientre soy picaflor . 
Lila – Kauai Dec 2016

Water song translation:
Mother cleanse my eyes 

And open my heart

Heal my little body 

Bless my spirit 

Pure  pure water

Flow flow multicolor

So that all your children 

can feel your love. 

Oh fervorous waters

Transform my pain 

Take with your mighty force

The memories of fear 

Come singing your song

That fills my heart

Come dancing your messages

That heal me with love

Water Divine Mother 

In your womb I am hummingbird 

I’m opening I’m flowing 

And at night I’m your song 

I’m opening I’m flowing 

And your essence is my forgiveness 

Jamming

When we come together as one

 And we open our hearts

And let our voice rise up 

We let love in 

And the light within 

Sparks between you and me 

And we elevate the vibe 

That holds duality up on a thread of doubt

We remember to trust 

To surrender to let Jah guide 

We recognize the one 

By dancing prayers to the land 

We bow our heads down 

To the beauty all around 

Holding space for the growth 

That occurs as we let go

We give thanks once again 

For this gift 

This present moment 

Is all we have!
Mahalo Ke Akua to this Aina, for its gentleness, its beauty, its magnificence that blasts me open everyday and never ceases to amaze me.  

Lila

May 2016

Depression 

June 2016
Thoughts meander through my mind like a river of contaminated dense and colorful waters. I feel the darkness crippling in. I feel the intensity of the push. I cry the pain of the shedding of these walls. I scream the anger for the timing it shows me. It penetrates. It rushes me. I’m ready. I’m tired. Not a caring hand and kind heart to hold me thru. Relentless fury. Sadness. Remembrance. Aloneness. Abandonment. 

Unmotivated to continue. In between worlds. Constantly. As I see the edge and I see the depth. Desire to disappear and hide. Boiling waters that burn my soul. Stagnant energies that cripple my body. In the darkest hour. You and me. Me and me. I. 

Fuck this pain. Fuck this body. Fuck the world and fuck everyone that says that care. Because when I die they’ll regret and say “I had no idea” . Just as the Earth does and the oblivious minds continue to diminish her to the ashes she once came from. Death and rebirth. Transmutation. Pain. Suffering. Joy. It all fits in the palm of my left hand as it cramps and numbs and itches from the nerve pain coming from my brain and my aching heart. As I feel it all. Yours, mine, no longer able to discern. Constant shooting and reminders that I am so alive and yet feel so dead at times. Reminders that Im still here when all I wish now is to be ashes with the earth. 

Hopeless. Alone. Surrendering once again to the unknown. Where would it take me now? I have no more force. Up and down, the hero’s journey, the wounded healer, fuck all of these theories and science and spirituality, I can’t take no more. I see it all around, I see the beauty too, the gems, the caterpillar’s struggle, the perfection of it all and yet it’s clouded by the pain and it collapses me back to the source of all suffering and it blinds me from the magnificent gift this life and my life is. It confuses me as I can’t see anymore and all I can is only feel a shooting spasm that contracts my heart, presses down my spirits, fucks up with my emotions and I get lost and disoriented. Fire burning down, dissipating, life force evaporating from my soul. 

I give thanks for this experience. Be it death or life I’m ready for the next step. Initiation to the next realm within my seeking starving soul. 

Lila June 2016

Love Song

Kauai’i April 22th, 2016

 

I wanna lay on the ground

Lay down with you

So close your heartbeat

Syncs up to my song

 

I wanna be free

Freedom to love

To hold you in my soul

To let go of your being

 

And when I look into your eyes

I find myself home again

Tremble from my core

As I get lost in you

 

I’m letting go of my fears

And let myself just feel

The depths of emotions

This pure love stirs

 

I’m saying yes to myself

And to allow more in

The journey begins

This love from within

 

I’ll see you in my dreams

Realities coexist

I’m now one within

I’ll find you in this dream

I’ll love you from here

And accept what it is
Lila

Iao Valley 

Iao valley Maui
Dec 4th, 2015

Look up to the sky 

You’re a sparkle in god’s eyes.

Don’t let doubts cloud your mind 

And let the light you are 

shine across all kinds.

Let the love fill it all 

And service be the medicine you come upon. 

Stop judging yourself 

And project none at all.

For we are all here to remember our truth

And the paths we carve not always cross. 

Forgive your heart and remember that at the end 

love really conquers all.

And what’s left if not the memories of what could’ve gone. 

So say it out loud 

show it with compassion 

sing out all your sorrows

dance it. paint it. cook it. write it. 

and make love with your heart.

and forget about your past.

Be here now.

You’ll be gone in a blink of an eyelash.

So melt in your soul as we all become one. 

Trust in the One!

Jah Jah Jai Jai Ma! 

I will die a thousand suns

5-27-15 a poem

I will reborn for a sight of you.

An embrace well worth a thousand deaths.

I will endure the pain of letting go just so that I can hold onto your touch once more.

I will die once again. I am gone, I am dust.

My heart stopped beating and now I can hear yours. 

Take me away, where all our souls can reunite in peace, in bliss, in love.

I shall meet you on another plane. 

Where harmony is our friend, and a look into your eyes tells me it’s all okay.

Eternity is that place that transcends all time and space. 

Our love lives forever in that plane. Where neither life or death will take you away. 

We sure will part ways once again. 

And my heart will beat faster to remind me that I am alive, and left behind, with a pain that might never dissipate with cries. 

Until I can hear your heart beat against mine and mend the cracks that pull me down. 

I shall see you again, on that plane where love is eternal and transcends all time and space.

Up to heaven and down to earth. In that space in between where minds don’t exist. 

Where we all can finally simply coexist. 

Lila- May 27th, 2015 Perú

New moon blah

August 25, 2014

We think we need to have a plan and carry on our illusions and rush to the end line as if we had the power to control the journey. when in reality all is mapped out for us. The divine plan is constantly in action. The currents will eventually take us there or maybe we are already there. In perfection. No need for ‘shoulds’ and ‘dos’. Who do we think we are that we have a say in this game? We are servants of this universe. Spirits’ slaves that need to surrender to the divinity of the flow of life. And if we don’t… well, then the cut gets deeper. The wound hurts and the swelling inflates your mind so much that eventually your ego explodes. Wide open. Exposed. 
Ah the beauty of nothingness. Where you lay your wings and trust that is all taken care of while at the same time working to plant the seeds with a kinda persistence that could only pay off at the end and bring more amazingness into your reality. 

Persistence is the source that waters and nourishes my seeds. 

Fertility. Passion. Unbounded creativity and flourishing unconditional love that compliments my spirits. Meet me in the path. Hold my hand. Hold my heart. Fly with me. Love me. Seduce me. Adore me. Caress the parts of my inner being that are hardened by the callously memories that once burdened me. 

Let’s be. You and me and we. One. Sacred solitude. Perfect alignment. Understanding. 

Sight…
Lila – Maui, Hawaii 8-25-2014

To my ancestors

May 15, 2015

Through my veins runs the grief that once poisoned your blood.

My cells feel the pain that pressured you to feel and hide away.

I am one with the beating of your fears and the pulsating desires that cry for help.

I’m the unheard prayers of your lonely nights.

I’m the tears of your solitude that led you to the depths of your soul.

Where you found yourself and got lost again and again.

I’m here to thank you for the gifts of this pain.

I transmute all emotions into only love and receive this baton with grace and respect for the journey ahead.

For a clean slate where grief will not rule my world and bury me away.

I choose to let go of all your suffering for it cannot longer contaminate my blood .

I’m pure and clean and open to receive all the greatness you left for me to carry on.

I’m here to accept all the love you had and held within your heart.

It is safe for me to love and be fully loved. 

Sometimes you lose 

Sometimes you let go.

You let go of all the love you have for the ones that left before you. 

You transform it and use it to heal yourself. To heal the world. 

From the inside out. 

You accept that you will die too and it will be ok to love so deeply. 

And let vulnerability expose the greatness of your infinite love. 

And it’s ok that sometimes no one will understand this love.

Keep your heart open for only this love will heal all those wounds. Wounds so deep from a past so beyond history.

I am your memory, and yet I recreate the stories, for I am right here right now and I choose to be what I came here to do, unattached from the past.

Clearing my karma to fulfill my dharma. 

Lila –  May 15th, 2015 Lima, Perú

Pain

July 7th,2014

I carved my heart out of the depths of my solitude 

And painted it with the tainted memories of the haunting old. 

I reckon that I should ruminate in the ruins of the pain. 

Observe silently the rambling beating of my aching heart. 

Enjoy the ever-present-never-ending moment that makes me feel so much at once.  

Continue taking in the teachings. 

And finally culminate with open eyes

Burned lashes

Teared hearted

Blooming hope.. Less.

Ancient aches

Torn open and exposed..

Pick up and start anew. 

Honoring the choices 

That within me hold the truth 

That leads me towards the way.

Lila – Maui July 7th, 2014 1 am

A mi claun

Febrero 4, 2014
El camino hacia mi claun :
 

Camino descalzo 

Hacia un abismo profundo

Y mi desnudez me revela algo aún más oculto. 

Quiero saltar y ver más allá
Y las ganas de ser, de sentir y creer

Me anidan el corazón y me quitan la respiración. 

Tu mirada tan fija

Refleja y cobija 

Aquel presente 

Que me conecta conmigo misma.

Y me regresan al hoy 

A sentir como soy

A mostrarme tal cual soy

Sin importar donde estoy. 

Quiero ver más allá

Saber que se esconde detrás 

entregar un poco más 

Saltar sin pensar y

Sentir la profundidad. 

Encuentro la risa y

Me inunda una paz

De aprender a dar

Encajar y carcajear. 

Y jugando descubro

Aquello que andaba oculto

Y riendo me veo 

Y dejo ver aquello que hoy revelo. 
Lila – Perú Feb 2,2014

Beloved sister…

February 24, 2014. 

Oh beloved sister of mine

You are an angel in disguise 

And the devil dressed in white

All rolled into one, yes you are infinite and divine

A sweet reflection of mine

You can bring the feminine from inside out

And show me the masculine hidden within and without.

I have no words to express my gratitude
For you have truly seen me wholly and fried

And accepted me for who I am

And loved me fully 

And held me broken 

With all your heart.

I feel you inside 

Like you are my twin sister 

from some other time, 

My lover from the past,

My best friend, my soul mate from here and now .

You are a paradox in my life

You bring the worst and best to my eyes

Emotions that have no place to be expressed

And Feelings that spur bliss  

Conflicted with the shadows that overcast our fears.

Karma gets worked out 

And I spell out my grief

And I feel dismissed

Rejected by an all pervasive lack and disbelief.

Does empathy have a place?

It might just save the day!

Because I say- we might just need a bit of give and take

So we don’t end up drained at the end of the day. 

I come and go and you take and leave 

I wish words could express 

What your actions so easily manifest

So emotions wouldn’t be at stake

And confusion wouldn’t take the first page.

I wish, I say, but i don’t want you to change a bit

I love you for who you are and accept you just as you see me thru your eyes. 

I just hope we can always work it out 

And love each other unconditionally 

Without reservations or demands.

So Let’s just try to be that person we would like to see,

In you and in me,

And we might just become one indeed. 

In love, in peace, in all. 

I love you so. 
Lila – Maui, Feb 24, 2014

Feeling…

March 28, 2014 2am

Uncovered. Dismantled. Protected by a higher force. I lay and weep. I watch and learn. In silence. I observe. The ways to be and not to be. Perspective. It changes the attitude. The present. The outcome.
Pulled by the strings of past missteps and I wish for sorrow to not follow me back.
Stretched. Cold. Blessed in all. At the ending point. Next to the start line. I see hope and call for her return.
I fall again. I pick the pieces and surrender to the wound. Untethered from the deepest darkness.
Emotions that feed the negative veil that covers my freedom and limitless mind. I jump high. I scream and cry and laugh and bliss out of my heart. The obscure and the light. All me. All one. All in here. The duality. The reality.
I’m here and there and nowhere to be found. I’m lost and it’s fine. No path to follow. Only to carve. What’s right what’s wrong. What’s a judgment if not our own that stops us from fully believing that is simpler than we know.
Shaken. Stripped. Humbled. Stronger. Faithful, and fearful too because it’s all good.
Release and control. I accept them both. Balance. Kindness. Gentle nurturing of my deepest truth yet to unfold.
Compassion first and foremost. So it begins with you. Yeah.. you and me. We are one as you might be thinking who’s the one involved. Same same no difference.
Aloness to be felt. In my core i feel. I want to help. To give and receive. Acceptance. Reliability. Love and understanding. On my own i ought to learn to be able to teach and share more than I could possibly imagine to receive.
I summon the prayer to the beings on call. Heart breaking i find support. I rely on my own. No one to depend on. I cannot share the scariest place in my soul. Not one to hear this song. It’s too much for some. I learn and move on. The true colors come on. I see. And for a moment there’s clarity in all. For i see deeper into your soul when I’m so drenched by the death of my own layers peeling off.
Detached and sore. I must continue. Forgive. Forget. The lesson is not done yet. It must carry on. The dance is to be enjoyed so i take my shoes off. Close my eyes. Feed my soul and dance to the beat of the mysterious new sounds that call me home. Deep, deep down and above. And all around too till I find my core.

Liza
Maui, Hawaii
March 28th, 2014

Pele energies… Big Island, Hawaii Sept 2013

As the clouds fade away
The stars begin to flicker their light
And the rain comes and washes away the density in the air.

I float in magnificence as the darkness become clearer.
I dive deep down the obscurest shadows of the ocean
And get lost in the uncertainty of the journey.

I submerge in the depths of the waters of my being
And start awaking to the light hidden within me.

I see beyond the layer of the slow unfoldment of this treasure
And dive deeper cradled and nurtured by the hands of perfection.

I surrender and flow with energies overwhelming me
And as fears try to check in
I stop and witness like an outsider the divine power that holds us all.

I rise above the surface to inhale my prayers and let go of my expectations.

The rain is gone and the starts flicker rapidly as I take flight to dance with the moon
And shine my light like the sun.

Pacha Lila
Sept 1st 2013 pahoa big island

Serendipity

There’s no words to express gratitude, only an attitude…

And I am so grateful for each and every moment and each and every person I meet on this path..

I could walk forever on this dance of life, knowing that each moment and encounter is a new day and a never-ending beginning.

There’s no end to this serendipity.. It’s all perfect.. The way it should be.. Always.
Why worry for the next step and lose track of your footsteps?
I walk blindly, yes. Because in my heart I only know the way is paved, and like the little prince said “what is essential, is invisible to the eye”
Cusco 2013

Cusco, May 2013

A day in my life.. Epic organic breakfast at Ollantaytambo, train ride with the locals to MachuPicchu for 3 bucks! Found the highest and weirdest  hostel by the river on Aguas Calientes (and on the door says “Spiritual Center” lol), best quinoa for dinner, steaming times at the Hot Springs, and the most amazing massage after that in town  by an angel, one of those sent from above, where serendipity is the greeter and life makes even more sense by the simple moments where you get to connect everything. And to “end” the night I walk into the hostel where a mamacha  dressed like a nun is walking before me and turns to me with a delicious sundae ice cream topped with cherries and chocolate, and as I open the door for her she offers me this “amrita” this nectar, as if saying “Here darling..taste the sweetness,  keep enjoying  life to the fullest, cuz at the end is only more sweetness waiting for you” .. Ahhh Wahe Guru!  Now off to sleep to the sound of water and the smell of the Apus married to the moon… (and a loud typical party  down in the corner that I hope ends soon 🙂 )

Dear Stress:

Dear Stress:
You are stressing me out
Itching me down
Spinning me up
Dizzing me down
Hang overing me out
From sleeping in and not waking up.
You make me hungry
And I light up another smoke.
I need to stretch my body and my mind.
I need matcha green tea not coffee with milk.
Stop procrastinating do something right now.
Why am i clouding up instead of clearing up?
I have a routine now I can make it less stressful.
But for some reason I’m unmotivated, part of me craves change
Part of me dreads it because I’m tired of carrying change on my shoulders.
I need nature.
I need mountains and trees and greens all around me.
Surrounded by fairies with dusted sparkles in their eyes.
I need dance and movement and love in every corner.
Why can’t I see it and enjoy it all the time everywhere around?
It’s inside of me so why not shine it to the world. I know.
Make it explode, blind you out and protect you from the concrete.
I can’t even write. it’s so hard to find inspiration but no. I know how easy it is. Just come back to your center.  Find you within. Peace lays in there.
Just meditate and chant and pray to god that this too shall pass.
And all is good and all will be always good.
And so it is.
And so it is.
Miami April 2013

The Shift

We’re going thru a portal
Yes, don’t be afraid.
Just seize the change
And feel the pain.
It’s all within you
So just walk straight.
Let the energies flow thru your veins
And open your mind
So yo don’t hold tight.
These waves might be low
But the tides too strong.
So don’t hesitate
And just walk at your own pace.
You’re not alone
So don’t close up to these enormous waves.
Be quiet, be still, and just listen within.
What does your heart say
Why does your mind astray?
Be conscious and aware
For it is all here.
Just burst your bubble from inside out
And splash the world around
with that divine nature that you are.

Lila

Listen up!

When I stop and pay attention to my listening habits, I realize the patterns sometimes created in the communication process. From these awareness spurs an even greater understanding of the nature of the relationship with whom I exchange and give forth these listening skills. When I stop and check in into these patters I seem to take the wheels and direct the nature of the relationship I want to create with this person involved in these exchange of words.
Will I want to go deeper and not just listen but hear and understand the feelings behind the words being exposed and put myself into some sort of empath role or will I look and nod while only thinking about the moment the last word is pronounced so that I can begin my sentence, sometimes without having even listened to what the person had said?
Is really interesting to tap into these subtle reactions with different people, different subjects, different ideas and attitudes and even the voice and tone in which these ideas are being presented that automatically you tend to react without noticing.
So check in with yourself before you expect anything in return. Are you listening? Are you thinking about your next addition or do you have a genuine comment about whats being discussed?
Did you hear that? Yes, it is so important to polish your listening skills. Just as much as you wanna be listened to, Listen!
Everyone wants to be heard, listened to and understood. All it takes is your willingness to ‘lend an ear’ and you could create a chain reaction of good listening skills and deeper meaning in your words and relationships.

Lila

I’m stuck

I wanna scream and cry.
And laugh and dance.
But i cant fathom a smile
When all I feel is longing in my heart.
Palpitations that are stuck cuz i fear to cry and smile out loud.
They pinch my nerves and tighten my soul.
Im free to let go but i wanna hold on.
Theres desire involved.
To be one and all with the universal love.
And to share this deep connection of the soul with someone that knows, understands and molds with you.
Im stuck again because i want to let u know and words dont really flow.
Theres so much more to know, to see to plant and grow.
I dont wanna just float.
I wanna dive deep and comprehend this game of win and loss.
Unbidden feeling of love and lust wanting to be expressed and embraced.
Closing my eyes I open my heart.
My mind I shut and I can feel inside.
It burns so hot im blinded by the light.
I wanna give and give so much
It overflows and I drown.
Will you hold my hand once you climb and made it all the way up?
I wonder whats stops us from being free and surrender to the flow of the unknown.
And I go down once again.
Without restrain i slip and fall.
And u watch the lava and perceive its beauty as it floats down and melts away.
But you dont see beyond the burning bush.
Your senses satisfied.
You close your eyes and smell the roses around.
Receiving their light, their essence and taking it all inside your heart.
Im the rose. Im full of thorns, odorless and torn.
I need watering, nurturing and caring.
Appreciation that comes with understanding from your deepest conscious that love is not about being loved alone.
Its about giving receiving and letting go and dancing to the beat of reciprocality without expectations or should’s do’s and dont’s.
Im embedded by your essence.
I just wanna love and be loved.
And time will only know and teach me to let go and show me the doors along the narrow allies of this path that sometimes we need to walk alone.
We shall meet around the corner.
In the expansion of this love.
Without knowing what turns to take.
I keep walking knowing this long road will only keep going as long as it needs me to go.
We shall meet again in the corners and ups and downs of this divine illusion.
To know once again that we were never alone.

Lila
Feb 23, 2013

Freedom

At first i had a crush on life, eventually i fell in love with it, and now i can truly say: life will u marry me???

The most hecked week of my life is over and i can finally breathe a different air… Thank u universe !!! lalala

Lila
March 7 2010
( on the plane on my way to India, after letting go of everything and leaving Miami for good)

Advice from me to me

Gotta live simple, I just need what i can carry on my hands.
Walk slowly, i must pay attention to my surroundings.
Listen to my silence, it has so much to say.
Keep it down and just listen carefully without judgments.
Dont worry about the next turn, God has drawed the maps for me already. Theres no rush. Ill be guided.
Use it, finish it, and leave behind any remainings which are not necessary.

Lila
June 29, 2011

Airplane bliss

It’s about perception
Im only your reflection
When you shine bright
The divine in you shines through
And you spread your light
Your love, your soul
And You flight high
Yes you shine bright
And then you see your soul
Reflected in all beings
And you taste bliss
Like a sweet kiss
And you love me
As you love yourself
Theres no separation
Only congregation
Of the highest kind
Yes you shine bright
Yes you spread love
You live love
You are Love.

Lila
Aug 29, 2012

Jai!

What a glorious time to be alive.
To thrive through changing times.
To ride thru tides of bursting energy.
To witness the awakening of the consciousness.
To shine the collective soul thru years of repression.
To dance among the characters of this subliminal play.
Gratitude to the one. To all that is.
Abundance in all that we are. All contained within one.

Lila
Oct 3, 2012

Facebook

I may post a thousand pics on Facebook and write about my feelings in one sentence and ‘like’ a bunch of pages and quotes and share articles and videos alike and enlighten you with some cool and viral links.
I might find and connect in ways thought impossible just a few years back. Attend ‘events’ and find out about things I want to experience all over the world.
I might be able to show my grandma the places I’m going when 10 thousand miles away, and give you a glimpse into my gipsy life with just one click…
But really, really.. Nothing will ever compare to looking into someone’s eyes, embracing each other and saying ‘I Love You’.
There’s no such ‘like’ button to truly express one’s feelings..
And no one will ever really know what that person behind the screen is really experiencing at that moment.
Yes FB thank you for the connection, I am blessed by having you in my life, as I am grateful for those who cherish my joy in between lines and clicks.
But seriously, no technology will ever compare to the simple power of touch and real connection.
We all long for this one way or another, or else why do you keep login in?
There’s so much more than meets the eye.

Lila
October 24, 2012

Im ready

Im ready to release
To let go and forgive
Whatever is not at peace
In my world to dismiss.
Im here to be free
Of inconvenient truths
That hold me from my true matiz.
This is all but a dream
What is there to be a chalice
Pure clear like a crystal rainbow bridge?

Lila
December 2012

Canción sin ritmo aún

Sube sube y canta
Sopla sopla y respira
Apus apus abuelitos
Siente siente late
Mira mira como flotamos en nubes verdes
Y danzamos en colores, en espirales de tormentas y lluvias luminosas
Estira tus manos, abraza tu alma y siente tu cuerpo vibrando con los sonidos que te llegan a la mente,
que te tocan el corazón,
que te conectan contigo y que te arraigan a mi.
Deja deja y suelta
cierra los ojos
siente siente vibra
Olvida olvida y recuerda que el olvido te ha bloqueado el sueño.
Entrega visiones olvidadas
abre abre y deja consciencia abierta todo aquello que has olvidado.
Entrega entrega memoria ancestral.
Construye presentes
Sube sube y da
Y solo recuerda porque has venido.
Venido aqui a este mundo plano a dar y compartir y servir y recibir y dar una vuelta mas y volver a comenzar.
y jugar y jugar en este cosmico y divino juego del creador.
Que somos uno, que somos dos o quiza ninguno y solo es pura refleccion.

Lila
Peru, April 2012

Prayer

If i look up to the stars and i dont see you shine
If i look into my heart and i dont feel your beat
Guide my tears to the flowing river of memories
Awaken ancient thoughts
Make me sense your presence once again
To reaffirm my faith
To recover my strenght
Give me a sign that you are me
That i am you and we are all one
Show me the paths to the healing circle of life
Light up my wounds
Let me see them clear so that i can listen
To what you are trying to say
Transmit and vibrate your energies without restrain
Im here to hear. to heal. to serve.
Open to the possibilities of the unknown dark waters
Show me your light once again
Make me believe
Help me see
Walk with me
Im here
And your presence is within
So be with me
And dont let me forget you are in me

Lila
June 2012

Dark days

When you have those dark days
where nothing seems to make sense
and  your strength is overflown
and your future seems so far
and your hopes are all crushed down.
Look up to the stars
and see the grandiose magnificent light
all above and around you.
It surrounds you and ignites you
and it always lives inside of you.
Just let that light shine above you
and light up the darkness inside of you.
It disappears as you blink
and feel all peace surrounds you.
Let only God do the talk now
and be in silence while it guides you.
Do not disturb your mind any longer,
let your heart feel and reason
the thoughts that move you to act at random.
You are here and now
and there’s nothing to worry about what surrounds you.
Are you feeling the light inside of you?
Let only that guide you.
Nothing matters more now
but how you experience God
within and without you.
 
 Li

Cuando…

Cuando actuas de una convicción mas allá de tu razonamiento
y el perdón transciende a compasión
Y tu bienestar sobrepasa la comodidad y conformismo de lo cotidiano y lo mundano
Entonces te alineas a un entendimiento mas allá de lo trazado por las masas,
por la ceguera del corazón y por un ego que traspasa la claridad de la realidad.
Te dejas guiar por una luz mas grande que no te da razón ni lógica
sino que te llena el corazón de valor y amor propio.
El precio a pagar es pasar la barra de la cobardía y mirar el derrumbe de tu alrededor
pues todo aquello que no te sirve se despojará
y al final sólo quedará un sentimiento de paz que nadie te podrá arrebatar.
Sólo Dios te dirá qué está bien y qué está mal y sólo tú lo sentirás.
 
Li

I want to…

I want to allow myself to feel sadness and really feel it so pure that I can hear my heart cracking as it bursts into the depths of emotion.
I want to allow myself to feel so much while I connect to the source of my core.
To experience pure bliss and appreciate its passage.
To live the moment of my emotions so present and grateful knowing they too shall pass.
Anicha

 

Li

Maui

How can one month seem like a year, and a year seem like a lifetime?
How can a heart opening experience be so amazingly painful?
How is it that gratitude can make you cry so hard and make you feel so close to heaven?
Pain is the master and suffering is the lesson that we all need to learn, and graduate to teach gratitude, to show love, to be love.
There’s just so much more beyond what we see, and yet we walk so blindly taking our breath for granted.
If we could only stop and feel, the world will be a better place for everyone.
We are already in paradise, and yet we don’t see the light coming from within. Because we are so afraid. Afraid to feel and see and share the light that burns so bright.
It can blind us, confuse us, makes us feel so alone. Alone walking a path so hard to finally choose to follow, but once started we can learn to fly, to connect, to feel one.
It’s so easy to see and so hard to understand, and at the end we are not alone. We are all one.

Li

If

If I could only be of inspiration to anyone crossing my path, my life’s purpose will be served.
I want to shine divine light across to your heart, show you the way and carry you around unstable waters.
I want to touch with the healing power that you carry within, melt with your energies, serve you all the way.
Show you the gratefulness for this life and chant the sacredness of love that elevates my soul closer to you.

Li

Dreams

I want to be submerged in my dreams
Be lost in them
Awaken to a new reality
And never come back.
Sensory input that overloads my memory
Transcends my thoughts
And leaves me lost.
I want to empty my cells
Feel free and crawl and learn to walk.
Dreams so real
So hard to be awake
What is real?
What are dreams?
I choose where to live
And it hurts to wake up.
Divine guidance
So pure and clear
I can feel
but only when I shut my eyes.
Resistance to this
To an undistinguished reality
And it hurts to wake up.
So much to say
So much to share
Words like clumps
They don’t come out.
Vocabulary is shortened
And language is only a barrier to expression.
Another outlet to let it come out
If I could only figure that out
I wouldn’t need to sleep this much.
I want peace quiet and sing and chant and dance and paint
But I feel trapped, anxious, up and down no middle ground.
It’s time to sleep
Let me close my eyes and open my heart.

Li

11.1.11

It goes on and on round and round and comes around and turns me up and down and throws me back up.

Dizzy. Fussy. Confused. Overwhelmed. Completely relaxed. Bliss and neurosis all in one.

But I wanna stand up and swirl up all over again.

What am I getting out of this twist? I need to sit. To shout. To shut. To calm down my neurons. Emotions. Infinite vibrations that make me tremble.

I’m cold. I’m sweating. It’s too hot. They’re still swirling up and I am indeed sitting down.

What to do, what not to do? Osho has exhausted his answers. The angels just keep reaffirming the mysterious truth that just serves as a first place consolation prize because I’m the winner and the loser in my own race, and it feels great and it’s still confusing.

They bring me down from their rainy clouds. And I feel like an inexplicable force is holding me up. Everything’ s taken care of. But why. Why. When. How? What is this? Why all these feelings?

Spiritual psychosis that it’s unbearable at times for my capacity to hold no more than 2000 thoughts simultaneously.

I can’t quiet my mind. Is this something else that maybe I should worry about? Is it not normal to be worry-free? Maybe I just worry about not worrying.

I don’t give a fuck. All I want is to be pain-free. I wanna dance. Let it all out. I need to scream. To sing. To laugh. To cry.

I believe I need to give all this bottled up love and this cap doesn’t seem to be unscrewing. Is it frustration? Maybe I’m pessimist. Depressed. Or maybe just too happy and overwhelmed.

Weird feelings to be experienced everyday. It’s just a state. Or a phase? Who will know for sure if not me. God, I can’t hear you. You were yelling at me.

My heart has tonsillitis and my voice is clogged. I need a cure. A method. A not so plan-plan that can help me unwind. I love caterpillars.

Help me reveal the beating. The hurting and the parallel force that wants to create. To fulfill. To expand. To help. To walk the path that I’ve carved. To process the steps so carefully founded. Discovered. Experiences unbeknownst to my diminutive consciousness. A GPS for my mind to get to my heart. I need to let go. And just go with this beautiful flow.

Liza

11.1.11 4:30AM

La Distancia como un Gran Maestro

La distancia es un gran maestro.

Te enseña a darte cuenta de que es realmente lo importante que se quedó al otro lado. A valorar aquello que realmente vale la pena.

A añorar lo inimaginable y a olvidarte de lo cotidiano. De eso que nos ocupaba la mente todo el día.

La distancia te ayuda a simplificar, a vivir el día a día.  A crecer. A conocer esos detalles tan importantes que pasa uno por alto, que tomas por hecho, que no observas, que no aprecias. A ver más allá de esa distancia.

Con la distancia te das cuenta de esa gente que realmente vale la pena. De aquellos amigos a los que la distancia no les afecta y que la palabra “ingratitud” no es más que un sustantivo que describe una excusa estúpida, y de aquellos otros que sólo lo usan como excusa y punto, y q al final la distancia resulta siendo más fuerte que dichos lazos.

La distancia es como un colador que va limpiando esos granos de arroz y saca todo lo sucio. Al igual vas limpiando a la distancia todo aquello que no te sirve. Gente, entornos, relaciones, pensamientos, etc. Y así la distancia lo va filtrando todo poco a poco.

A la distancia, en especial las muy largas, como cuando uno se va a vivir a otro país o ciudad, los cambios son bruscos y a la vez sutiles para los que se quedaron al otro lado de la historia. Ya que  nuestras mentes condicionadas no ven mas allá de lo superficial, y comprarnos  ese carro o ese apartamento o tener ese trabajo o hacer esto o lo otro significa para los demás o que somos millonarios o que somos muy suertudos.  O todo lo contrario también, que somos unos vagos, que no hacemos nada, que nos ganamos la vida fácil y que no tenemos ambiciones y que si trabajas en un mall o de mesero  y no tienes plata eres un loser que por las webas tiene papeles y no aspiras nada en la vida.

Como si el ejecutivo con plata fuera siempre el feliz de la historia y tener dinero así seas lavaplatos  o gerente significara algo…digo yo.

La distancia suele poner ese velo tan grueso entre la gente que decía conocernos y la realidad que sólo nosotros podemos ver. Y nos hace pensar que la gente no cambia. Que todo es igual. Que somos los mismos con sólo unos años de más y un par de libros leídos.

La distancia es tan experta en mostrarte esta máscara tan gruesa como los supuestos lazos familiares, y sólo la distancia tiene ese poder tan grande de tanto forjarlos como destrozarlos. Eso de “lazos de sangre” queda sólo como una metáfora en el aire. Sólo a la distancia encuentras más compatibilidad y conectas más profundamente con un mesero en una isla al otro lado del mundo que con tu propia madre. Y en los ojos de aquel niño que te pide dinero ves más allá de aquellos lazos y das más amor que a tu sobrino en China.

El skype será muy visual pero no ve más allá de tus arrugas y lo único que cambia no son éstas. Afortunadamente.

La distancia te muestra lo que realmente importa. Te ayuda a vivir y sobrevivir y a discernir lo importante, lo esencial y la sencillez de la vida.

A distinguir todo aquello que te quita la energía necesaria para poder mantener esa distancia saludable de lo que también no te sirve en el camino. Te da el coraje  para saber cuando tomar esa distancia necesaria de  lo que hace daño.

Así que mantén la distancia para así acércate a aquello que realmente importa.

Li

BCN, Aug 2011

Let me share…

Let me share the secrets embedded in all of us and help you realize the gift within you.

The sceneries and colors swirling in front and around you.

The vibrations waiting to be unraveled and help you go out and dance with the rainbows.

Feel the colors running through your veins and see the light that shines upon each one of us.

Let go and let it free or it might burn you inside

Driven by a force stronger than our will

Let’s just sit and wait for this magnificent manifestation.

Just close your eyes and breathe.

I Want to…

I want to dance in asanas and sing to the drums beat

and paint my visions of eternity and bestow them to the universe as gratitude for the most appreciated gift of all 

and to the divinity of the vibrations that God permeates to all beings,

moving and non moving,  seen and not seen

 in this unreal plane that we call life.

 

Connections

In one way or another I’ve fallen in love in each country visited so far.

Building up the tension and excitement for something new to come.

Of that new soul to meet mine half way.

Because as cheesy as it may sound.

We all desire that. 

To share.  To love.  To be loved.

 And most importantly to serve one another.

Rules 06.30.10

From: me To: me CC: everyone
> —–Original Message—–
> From: Lara, Liza
> Sent: Wednesday, June 30, 2010 6:57 AM
> To: Lara, Liza (NBC Universal)
> Subject: Rules

 

Welcome to the jungle! Where ur dreams can come true if u connect and mingle with their creatures and colorful, detailed and hidden mysteries that might not possible utter understanding and literary forms of communication but most likely you will decipher them if non-common sense, awareness, imagination and insanity find a balance with ur creativity and non-ego compassion, and then eventually we become the
jungle itself. That place that might comprise a waterfall and an Inca tribe right by Wall Street in NY City.
Some basic un-rules to follow and have a smooth but not necessarily safe journey during this short passage are these catalyst of suggestions to maintain a necessary harmony in an environment presented in different forms with mountains in deceit in every corner, charged with a kind of energy so dense, paralyzed by any kind of flow and petrified by fears that require miraculously acts of reflection and painful resonances of thoughts that produce unimaginable effects caused by the flexible and manageable mind.
1. Leave ur baggage outside and only if necessary just pick a couple of elements from it that you might feel are impeding to protect yourself.
During those cold, rough nights when you think that’s all the protection u need to encompass people and survive through the night, knowing of course that these masks won’t accommodate forever.
2. The animals here are free in an environment that provides them with just what they need. Uninvaded by our greed and hatred for perfection.
If you want to add to their happiness make sure that if u feed them, to replenish their resources, clean after them and return them as well as any tools or elements used in this process to their original, natural state.
3. Everything u touch, regardless which of ur senses is used, affects the cause and hence the effect. Therefore, be wary of the energy that carries you around in your exploring state and be responsible for the consequences that might follow. Once u r part of ur decision, fortunately we all become fingerless, meaning there’s nowhere else to point ur judgments but to swallow them, savor them, and better digest it accordingly because here at the closest yet uttermost unlimited jungle of all we can only provide with nature for ur malaise.
4. Given that plants, animals and indescribable mystical creatures and surroundings to be discovered once again are our only salvation and permit to continue, we must carefully use their resources without making them scarce, but on the contrary, We encourage the allegiance of forces with this primordial reserve in order to not succumb to the other already scarce, contingent, unnecessary and destructive element to the survival of the Pachamama and the Universe as one. Human beings, the addition to a mismatching equation we so innately belong to.
5. Lastly, creatures wander around free the area, so please act accordingly with their behaviors. Pay attention, look around, ur reckless decisions might cause the biggest harm to the least expected. Including urself.
Understand the connections with every blink. And if you don’t, then try not to blink for a while. Stay awake and THEN fall asleep, if you can.
Be grateful for this time. None of this was made for us. Its not here for us. Were here for IT. Ponder it while you can.

Outburst 01.08.11

I cant seem to find their destination. I can feel them originating indeed, there at the source, burning. They come to visit and want to be explored. Limitations constrain them and they shape like glass. Like boiling water in a plastic cup. They melt, they intoxicate, they evaporate. Their thoughts like fumes. They blind me, they hurt me, they push me, they cut my wings and kill my flight. If only said. If only expressed. They wouldve turn into only now. They wouldve flown to the unknown. Where they flow. They transform. They transmute to only love and gratefulness to its source.

Li

Me pasa 8.5.10

Me pasa q veo lo q oi
Y me acuerdo de aquellos q vieron y oyeron
y cerraron los ojos
Y voy y toco y actuo,
dibujo un canto, bailo en mis silencios
y pienso con mis sentidos
y espero albas azules que toquen el fondo rojo de mi ser.

..Li

Shhhh 7.20.10

Silence. Peace. Shut my mind and open my eyes. Sleep. Don’t say. Don’t read. Don’t repeat. Stop ur mouth, it slows ur mind! The road is pathless. Nowhere to go. Drawings are vague. Not needed. I cannot see. But I can feel. So let it be. I’ll follow intuition. It flies. It flows. It doesn’t say. It doesn’t show. It doesn’t lie. It doesn’t walk. It just does. Unknown.
Take my senses one by one and I’m left with no brain. I wont judge. I won’t say. I’m free. I Don’t need. indeed. I’m free. One path. One way. My journey. My way. I wanna be left alone. I just want to hear my own voice. Inner voice and a chaotic silence all around.

Li

Miedos – 7.19.10

Le temo a la oscuridad xq es donde mas puedo visualizar la luz.
Y le temo al dolor xq mi mente se calla y mi cuerpo me habla.
Le temo al silencio xq es donde mas puedo escuchar con precisión.
Y le temo a la soledad xq solo ahí puedo encontrarme a mi misma.
Temo cerrar la puerta x si la fuerza de este acto cause una reacción con el aire y la ventana al otro extremo se abra de par en par poniendo en descubierto paisajes olvidados.
Porque al fin y al cabo el punto es solo recordar…todo lo olvidado, lo bloqueado y rechazado por el consciente corrupto x ideologías ficticias creadas x nuestro ego.
Y llegar a un encuentro con el inconsciente.. Q es el curso natural, y eventual.
Y quizá tema cerrar los ojos x esta tan simple razón. Por no querer conciliar el sueño y dejarme llevar.

Li

Love

For some extraordinary reason, I still feel her love conditionally within me. I guess for the same strange reason, I yearn for that feeling every day of my life; as if she were still here. I don’t understand why God takes them away from us; but isn’t he magnificent? He leaves us with that powerful, transcendent and enormous love that can only be felt; neither touched, nor seen; hence, irremovable. Why does it hurt so much then? Why do we have to love to the point that it hurts?

I can see her sitting in her black leather couch; her glasses half way down her small nose so she could glance up to me and watch me as I silently glimpse at her from across the room, watching TV, while she is knitting something for me and my doll. So careful, so detailed, she is so concentrated at the same time that you can not even touch her. She doesn’t like to be touched, although she lets me hug her. She loves me with that unintelligible love and I love her in the same magnificent way. I don’t think anybody will be capable of understanding the spectrum of this love, and the way I can still feel it, to the point of tears. It makes me sad though, very sad. I cannot touch her anymore; and she would’ve loved me to, she would’ve let me.

        I couldn’t be there on that last day; I wasn’t expecting it to happen at such a tender age of mine. I never imagined death existed. I never thought I could lose something that immense. I suppose this is the cause of my pain and my continuous thoughts about those days, my constant longing of those years, and my relentless pursuing of that feeling.  Not only I can revive those joyful moments and recall them as clearly as if they would’ve happened yesterday, but I can experience the loss all over again as if I were at her funeral; the one I never attended. 

I only saw that couch one more time. Never experienced emptiness such as that and looking back. Swore I would never go back. Just the thinking of it makes me want to cry. I don’t know when I will be able to face this reality, so painful and unreal for me at this time. I don’t ever want to go back, but sometimes I wish I could die, just to see her one more time.

 

  ..Li

Fruit

 

        I found myself crossing this path the way I’ve done it before. I kept walking and walking without noticing my surroundings. Everything was so colorful and at the same time so opaque for my eyes that I didn’t see anything different that day. All of a sudden, I heard something; it seemed as if all the rowdiness were silent for a few seconds. I turned around and there it was, lying in the middle of my ordinary path. It was so shiny and perfect that I was tempted to grab it and take it with me; besides, I found it, and it belonged to me.

        Who could have done this? Who could have created such a beautiful fruit as this? Why would somebody stop me and tempt me in such a way? I’m just ordinarily walking my path and don’t want to see or experiment anything different than what I already know. Although this creation; it looks so perfect on the outside that at this point, I believe I’m too tempted to even think of the consequences.

        I bend down and grab it; my hands get all dirty and purple. As I examine it carefully, while still thinking about my decision, even my thoughts get filthy and I realize I need to get away. Not everything as stunning as this fruit will be what it seems to be. Nevertheless, I took it with me, I ran away with it, and I felt that was all I needed. It belonged to me, and I belonged to it.

It was quite a journey that day along this pathway. I have seen fruits of all kinds; I have tried many since then. Some were as beautiful as the roses but as hideous as its thorns. I wanted to see it all and I didn’t want to walk at the same speed every day. I didn’t like this opaque routine anymore and was tired of walking, I wanted to fly, and I felt my purple hands were my wings to conquer it all. This was the perfect fruit, the perfect creation. God had thought about me when he created this delicatessen. 

But one day; someone showed me a new fruit, a new creation, something I had never seen before; it was from the Caribbean. It wasn’t quite appealing; I thought I might never try it, especially like it. Besides, it didn’t get my hands dirty. But how could I possibly reject such an invitation? It was coming from someone who had a broad knowledge on the subject, someone who knew how many types of fruit exist in the world. Someone who knew texture, flavor and form, and especially he knew the difference between those.

Now I make sure to include this particular fruit in my diet, and to bring it with me on my journey everyday through my colorful pathway. I have it with me, but they are no possessions involved. Nobody belongs to no one, and I still see the rest lying in the middle of my exceptional path.

  ..Li

Nunca

Nunca me sentí tan bien bajo la lluvia

Nunca me alegro tanto un día nublado, negro, seco y a la vez mojado.

La tierra bajo mis pies..Pies cansados de caminar y no encontrar ese verde q x solo mirar al frente, no podía apreciar, no podía diferenciar.

Si tan solo hubiera sabido la importancia, de algo tan simple y tan natural, como lo era mi realidad..

Pero es q “no hay q mirar atrás”, solo delante supuse yo, y no me puse a pensar, xq no habría de mirar debajo.. a esa tierra q m sostiene en aquel instante y q m daba fe para seguir adelante.

Y es q mi objetivo estaba algo distante y xq habría de molestarme en pensar Solo en aquel Instante.

Siempre me dijeron q me olvidara de lo pasado,

de aquel camino ya pisado;

q mirara hacia adelante, q pensara en un futuro,

en el camino aun no andado.

Pero nunca nadie me explico algo tan importante

como analizar aquel paso recién dado, y quedarme x un instante,

Solo yo y ese Instante.

Aun no me olvido de aquel paisaje, q puedo percibir a lo lejos

mientras disfruto lo q en este momento cosecho.

Mañana daré otro paso más y todo seguirá igual;

pero solo yo sabré lo q mire cuando realmente observé,

y así mi camino seguiré.

Quizás me demore un poco mas q los demás, y es q, Q locura..

Parar a sembrar una cosecha q yo no podré disfrutar..

Pero a la vez q Paz, al pensar q aquel q viene atrás, quizá si pueda mirar

y no tenga q bajar tanto la mirada para poder encontrar, ese verde q siempre estuvo ahí, pero q esta vez creció un poco mas,

y q ya no es tan imposible de observar.

Y otro día llego y el sol esta vez sus rayos mostró. Ahora el paisaje es más claro aún y todos corren a su alcance sin importar ni un Instante..

y pisan lo q otro sembró x solo mirar adelante.

Atrás quizás otros solo siguen a los demás, sin saber lo q van a encontrar,

y solo piensan en mirar, al q corre sin mirar atrás.

Pero será posible llegar a algo q ni la noción aun ha entendido, solo x tratar de llegar a lo q los demás corren sin cesar?

Y q pasara cuando los q ya lo han entendido, encuentren un propio paisaje,

q solo ellos conocerán, y entonces se irán.

Aquellos otros se perderán sin saber ahora a q llegar. Como diferenciar, aquel verde q ante sus ojos ya no esta mas escondido,

si es q nunca entendieron lo q era un sembrio..

Seguirán sin cesar tratando de encontrar algo q nunca entenderán,

y solo x la mirada fijar, y no parar a pensar y no parar a observar Solo en aquel Instante

y en algo tan Insignificante..

y una vez mas lo dejaran pasar.

Nunca me sentí tan bien bajo la lluvia

y en un campo tan vacío q solo uno mismo puede sembrar

y quizá mañana poder dejar atrás.

Nada

A veces uno necesita ciertas cosas en el camino de la vida q x fortuna lo podemos llegar a encontrar en ciertas personas o cosas insignificantes q sólo tendrán sentido para ti, ya sea en un familiar, una pareja ,un amigo especial, un libro y hasta en un perro; pero lo más importante es q lo tratemos d encontrar en nosotros mismos y q saquemos algo de esto. xq no son a todas estas personas o cosas insignificantes q vamos encontrando en el camino y q van llenando nuestras supuestas etapas d la vida a los q realmente necesitamos.si no la escencia d estos y lo q nos pueden llegar a proporcionar en ciertos momentos; las enseñanzas, los golpes, todo cuenta. pero nos hace daño el pensar q todo es para siempre y lamentablement estas mismas personas y experiencias son las q t hacen entender q no es así. alguien dijo q no es la teta la q necesitamos, sino la leche q esta nos proporciona. pero nosotros los humanos vivimos con tantos prejuicios y construimos nuestras vidas en base a tantas idiologias equivocas q sólo nos hacen sufrir. pensamos q la vida nos juega una mala pasada cuando en verdad somos nosotros los q no estamos sabiendo jugarla.

Todo Cambia

 

Todo pasa, Todo cambia, nada vuelve a ser igual,

solo aprende del fracaso y vuelvete a levantar,

xq solo asi comprenderas q nada ni nadie esta de mas.

Gente va y gente viene, nada vuelve a ser igual,

solo mira en tus errores y no des vuelta atras,

xq solo en tu corazon aquellos momentos quedaran.

No pense q olvidar fuera a veces tan facil,

a todo me acostumbro, a todo me acomodo,

a casi todo me amoldo, y el temor a veces inunda

este molde q se pierde entre los demas.

Busco entre la gente aquella mirada de paz, q a veces,

ni en la propia soledad me es posible encontrar.

Es una calle sin salida x la cual tengo q pasar,

hay tanta gente escondida y nadie lo quiere mostrar,

algunas almas tan heridas no sobreviven con el solo intentar,

y otras guardan sus alas ya negras x no querer intentar volar.

pero q curiosidad! yo si lo quiero encontrar,

pero entre tanta maldad, sera posible mitigar?

Solo abra q esperar, seguir adelante y no mirar atras

nisiquiera para preguntar, q es lo q hice mal.

Es tanto el vacio en este alrededor,

q solo llena mi alma con dolor,

de ver a tanta gente y q no sepan lo q es amor,

lo q es dolor, lo q es perdon.

Pero cada uno me enseño y ahora la leccion aprendida quedo.

Todos quedaron en mi corazon,

pero Todo pasa, Todo cambia; y esta vez cambie Yo.

No cometere el mismo error, y esta calle su salida me mostro,

Que mas da el vacio de mi alrededor

si a tanta gente no la cambia ni Dios.

Todo quedo atras y ya no queda mas rencor.

Solo espero su salvacion de aquel infierno del q pude salir yo.

Que mas da el vacio de mi alrededor

si en el no pude ver, aquella mirada de paz

q hoy en mi pude mirar.

I’m cold,, what a turn off!

 

The coldness felt after…

lasted forever in my body

it started to get to my heart

and I realized, That’s what it was;

something that probably got so hot

that I only needed to get it out.

What was going on in my mind,

wasn’t happening to my heart…I’d just realized.

Your kisses I longed

your kindness I missed,

but I think it’s all gone, cuz I long no more.

But unfortunately gone you’re not

and now you long even more,

but I must be strong,

and give you nothing at all,

for you couldn’t prove me wrong

and you still that same old..

I’m just 23 years old and still have a lot to go,

that’s why on you I must not wait on

and just hope for One day..you will come.

I admire u

 

I admire u for who u are

I admire u for how u write

I admire u for the soul u possess

and for the body that ur soul holds.

I admire u for ur heart

that blends in perfectly with ur core

cuz without this and more, u would’ve never existed

u’d have never been who u are

and I’d have never admire the way u are.

 

Why

 

Why is it that everything is based on decisions,

Why is it so hard sometimes

Why can’t we go with the flow

And let it all go.

Why is it that we have to learn from our mistakes,

Why can’t we just learn from our happiness.

Why is it that it costs it so much to find it,

And then learn that it wasn’t what we were expecting it to be.

Why is it that our happiness is not always up to us only?…

There must be somebody else!

 

My Dreams

 

I thought about it last night; I couldn’t sleep as usual

and it kept going and going on my mind,

like drops of rain running through ur body

it wouldn’t stop unless I escaped.

but of course that meant to stop thinking as well as feeling,

and I didn’t want that by any means.

It kinda disturbed my dreams, but they were part of it; and therefore

‘Those’ were my dreams.

It’s as if I were sleeping all the time, dreaming and thinking consciously

Or maybe awake and unconsciously not being capable to differentiate

between reality, fantasy, love, pain, good, bad,

angels, humans, friends, life or death.

It’s so hard to live…or dream a life this way;

not knowing if the tracks you’re following

or the path you’ve constructed, remodeled, invented or imitated

will guide u to the end of it; to that door, that closes upon you if u don’t bring within ur soul

what u were supposed to come across,

having accumulated it all the way there, so that u can give it to them…completely

in order to cross that bridge, free, weightless;

and go on with ur journey without regrets.

My Root

 

Why give me the burden to solve your problems,

and carry the baggage u couldn’t handle ..

those eventually generated even more for me to carry;

just because u couldn’t handle it, just because u gave up, just because u knew…

there was going to be somebody like me, who the task was going to be assigned to;

Just because… U surrendered.

I guess they thought I was strong,

They don’t make mistakes; they know what they are doing

They don’t hurt u, they don’t lie to u

They know what ur end is going to be…Or maybe, ur beginning.

But they don’t tell u anything, just place it in u like that…

As unexpected as love could be.

But I guess I’m weak, weak as a fallen leave in autumn

that might rebirth from that same root that gave its green,

But it might have another color, shape, texture and endurance this time;

and who knows…It might last until summer…Only they know.

Well, then, I’ll be proud of my root,

I won’t resent anymore the burden it left me when it gave up on this world.

I know everything happens for a reason, for they know it all;

It’s just that sometimes; I can’t bare the idea of being left alone

in this world of my own, with all the burden to carry on, and not knowing how to go on.

It’s hard to move on with all this baggage that now to me belongs.

I have to finish what u left undone, and do it with so much proud on my own,

for when I get to the ending point…I will have nothing to pass on.

Mi Memoria

 

Lo vivi y lo guarde; lo pinte, lo olvide.

lo pense y no lo escribi; lo sufri, lo bloquie.

lo dije una vez y no lo repeti; lo pinte, lo olvide.

lo baile alguna vez, lo cante otras veces;

no recuerdo, claro!… si fui yo, fue el, fue ella, fueron ellos o no fue nadie

solo recuerdo que lo senti, lo pase, lo vivi alguna vez;

pero lo guarde, lo pinte y lo olvide.

y quien lo va a despintar?

si sigo retocando aquellas grietas q se abren en mi pared.

que desperdicio mi memoria!

que diambula perdida por los propios caminos de la vida que fueron creados x el.

Dentro de mi ser, Insaceable la busqueda de su salida,

para expresar las alegrias, penas, cosas vividas, sufridas y aprendidas

que se cerraron algun dia ante aquella memoria perdida.

Busca entre mis sentidos, olores percibidos

que despierten recuerdos dormidos,

de algo malo o algo bueno, pero q seguramente fue vivido.

Busca tambien en mis ojos, la percepcion q le di a lo alguna vez vivido;

y en mis oidos todo lo aprendido mediante aquel sentido.

y en mis manos, en mi piel y en todo mi cuerpo

añora las sensaciones de aquellas memorables estaciones,

q ahora ya su recuerdo forman parte de mi olvido.

Ay memorias! Si todo lo vivido quedo al menos aprendido

y solo el recuerdo al olvido,

entonces comprendere q si no vivo completamente el presente

y no aprendo duramente y plenamente de todo lo q pasa por mi mente;

mañana quizas ya sea muy tarde

para tratar de aprender algo ya vivido.

xq aquel recuerdo sino fue aprendido, se ira al olvido

y no habra marcha atras, solo dias perdidos y una vida estancada por la falta de memoria,

que no es mas q de lo vivido…Nada fue aprendido.

I heard..

 

I heard some have it all and don’t feel anything at all,

I can’t say I have it all, but I can say I feel nothing at all.

I can watch my body, drop dead on the floor.. and do nothing at all.

why can I have it all and fulfill my soul

with a feeling that will do something for my dead body

that feels nothing at all.

 

Speak up!

 

Oh please! Speak up for yourself!

don’t let them tell u how to live..how to love.

Oh! just because u think u’ll look nice, prep and all well done to their eyes?

If u could just look within yours,

U’ll see nothing but a bare soul,

empty, with gaps only waiting to be filled up.

What are u waiting for?

tell them to fuck off! and to go mess up with somebody else’s life.

Nobody deserves it , I know..

but they need to be stronger everyday a little more.

And if this is the only font they’ll learn from,

well go ahead and tell them to do so;

for in this case, if they don’t know,

then, there they are to tell them how…they can look nice, prep and all well done.

Immortal

 

He waits for her outside

tell her stories of old, cracked ships.

she hears him like no one else will.

she lives to see him grow,

he loves her to see her old.

only Immortality will know,

what these two have going on.

neither their hearts nor their souls,

will tell them how to love…

only Immortality will know.

What’s the point?

 

What’s the point in doing so,

will it matter if I tell u so?

It matters no more!

U can say it all, u can hide none

I care no more!

Mysteries, lies

it all lies beneath this soul,

I can sense it, I can feel it, but help it… I cannot.

Put an end to this world

and finish it with a word.

Peace and love… That’s all they need to know.

 

No vale nada!

No vale nada! te arruina la vida, te come los sueños,

te estanca el presente, te bloquea el futuro.

Que esperas de esto, q a la muerte te traiga?

alegria quizas brindara,

pero solo un momento te durara..

dolor dejara y eso si perdurara.

Ya entonces quiza tarde sera

para volver todo atras,

y habras querido el presente vivir y dejar a este pasar

para un futuro no estancar y en el tus sueños frustar..

y tu vida terminar.

Unrecognizable

All crowded, all empty

Where are they all?

Well, it’s kind of invisible at this point,

Unrecognizable to some.

But what is the point in doing so?

Will happiness encounter,

The soul of those so-called ‘some’.

Nobody believes it, though, at this point

It seems unrecognizable to all

And invisible to the soul.